September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
By Melanie Dallas, LPC
Most of us probably know someone who has struggled with their mental health. We may notice they seem different. They’re quieter than usual, withdraw from friends, miss work or school, sleep more, or simply not act like themselves. Yet, even when we might notice something has changed, too many of us don’t know what to do next.
The next step is one of the most important, but it is often the one people are most afraid to take – asking the question: “Have you been thinking about hurting yourself or thinking about suicide?”. Instead of avoiding the conversation, I encourage people to trust their instincts when they’re concerned about someone they care about. And while it may not always be easy, it doesn’t have to be hard.
One way to broach the topic can be with your own observation: “It seems like you’ve had a lot on your mind lately,” or, “You don’t seem to want to get together as much as we used to, is there something going on?” And if you’re particularly concerned, it’s ok to be more direct.
In the behavioral health field, we know that one of the biggest myths is that asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide will put the idea in their head. That’s simply not true. In fact, when you ask someone if they are thinking about suicide, they are much more likely to realize you care about them.
And ultimately, the exact words aren’t as important as being willing to ask. You might worry you’ll say the wrong thing, but silence can be the greater risk. Too often, people don’t have meaningful opportunities to share how they’re feeling – so just asking the question opens up a huge opportunity for them to talk, even if suicide is not something they are contemplating.
There are signs someone may be facing mental health challenges. A person who was once engaged may begin isolating from friends or activities. They may stop taking care of themselves, experience noticeable changes in sleep or daily routines, or start or increase substance use.
Unusual comments might also be a sign someone is struggling. Statements like, “You won’t have to worry about me much longer,” or similar remarks may be a way of testing whether someone is listening. About 85% of people who die by suicide have told another person their plans. That’s a huge opportunity for intervention.
Another frequent misconception is that someone expressing suicidal thoughts is just looking for attention. Yes, in fact, that person is looking for attention – and we need to give it to them. Listening is key. Too often, we listen to respond rather than listen to hear. But the person who chose to tell you this trusted you. Use that opportunity to really hear them.
Finally, it’s important to remember that if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide, your job isn’t to solve the problem or convince them they’re wrong. A person contemplating self-harm or suicide has very likely been in a lot of pain. You’re not asking them to suddenly change how they feel. You’re asking them to hang in there while you help connect them with help. That’s something all of us can do.
That help might include calling or texting 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, “Let’s call 988 and I’ll stay right here while you talk to them.” Or you might help them contact a mental health provider, bring them to Highland Rivers, or reach out to another trusted professional. You don’t have to have all the answers, you just have to be willing to be the connector.
The fact is, suicide can be prevented, and each of us can help. We have always told people that if you’re struggling, ask for help. But we can ask too – ask the question – because that may be more helpful than you ever thought.
Melanie Dallas is a licensed professional counselor and CEO of Highland Rivers Behavioral Health, which provides treatment and recovery services for individuals with mental illness, substance use disorders, and intellectual and developmental disabilities in a 13-county region of northwest Georgia that includes Bartow, Cherokee, Cobb, Floyd, Fannin, Gilmer, Gordon, Haralson, Murray, Paulding, Pickens, Polk and Whitfield counties.